my Thoughts | entry 2

Waking up this morning. It seems things are just as foggy as before.  My life is in a type of web that i try to untangle and seperate but keeps sticking together. A bit frustrating.

Desire, love, friendship, work, money, creation...  What am i creating?  Or perhaps the better question is, what can i not create? What are my decisions going to be as time progresses towards more seperations, unions, reunions, failures, and successes?

i fear my present more than my past or future.  i look ahead with a security of mind that everything goes it's course and that the story will always be looked upon with fondness by me as i do so now looking at the past.  However, in the present i experience so many desires and oportunities that i fear i'm loosing what i try to gain... i don't want to loose.  i don't want to posess either. So, how do i seize these things which ellude me?

my Poems | entry 6

here sits mother

tender as her child

considering life

one she holds 

one she let go

and so weeps a tear...

wipe it from her cheek

a thumb against her face

dries the surface

only to let another form 

pouring as a river

against the deserted skin

so i kiss wet lips

dipping my hand into this 

salty sea...

and drench my fingers

in her swelling tears

i hold her.

my Poems | entry 5

What moves a cloud?

What causes it to rain?

To wet the earth with her tears... nourishing all below?

She arouses their potential... causing them to grow.

As if weeping awakens the slumbering life...

ethereal Experiences | entry 001

Throughout life, mine and I imagine most of our lives, there occur strange experiences during the night. By strange I mean that which seems to us real however, turns out to be less tangible... ethereal. The most intriguing of which is the vision or sense of another person in the room with you. Though I won't limit my dialogue to that which happens during the night, I will begin with one such experience.

Last night I had my sleep interrupted by the presence of a woman. Lacking any physical presence she made it impossible to escape. I can't say for certain who she was but her energy was strong and tangible. Oddly enough, I remember vividly that I could smell flowers... can't place the scent.  Perhaps a perfume of some kind? Also, she was young...  twenties or thirties. A sense of familiarity yet, she remained out of reach. Hidden, like a dream when waking... you try to grasp it and it slips away further and further. 

She was connecting to me (or was it I to her?) on a metaphysical level. That is to say I could feel her throughout my body. In my chest, through my back, in my hands... in my lungs... my breath. Haunting me, she kept me awake and there was really nothing that I could do lying there. 

So, I got up and went into the kitchen. The clock on the stove read 3:33 am. A sign? Perhaps this was not an illusion but, rather something real.  I opened the refrigerator and had some grapefruit juice.  Shock my system a bit... yes, perhaps that would help? Putting the juice away I turned out the kitchen light and went back to my bed. She was there... waiting. So, resigning myself I laid down, I closed my eyes and let her stay. Eventually slipping away into sleep and waking up for work the next day.

Connections...  they are an interesting thing, no?

my Poems | entry 4

like Adam

the dawning of her breath

upon the chambers of the heart

invoked life

to that which had fallen silent

so, lowering my head before her

i let life flow through these halls

and held out a hand

that echoed Eve's desire

responses monitored

transfered in charts

to the pharmacist

who provides the prescriptions

that allow sanity of mind

in the asylum of emotion

as though a body lies

in some sterile corridor

in some lysol laced room

comatose...

a machine beeps

closely monitoring the condition...

a machine pumps

breathing for lungs unmoved...

the lying body

______________________

As you might have guessed, this poem was written based off of two ideas that seem to be very different and create a sudden chop after the second stanza. However, the ideas are related and the sudden shift provides a clear process of emotion to thought to emotion and so on.  The first is directly related to the emotions experienced by new love(?) or at least the connection felt between two people. The second part is about the value of living.  I'll leave the poem to explain the rest.

S